My best friend Jason and I were walking home one night after a crazy evening of booze and debauchery in a local gay bar when we decided to take a shortcut on Laneway Street. At first, we weren’t sure if we should take the risk since everybody knows that awful things always happen on that street. But since we were together, we figured we would probably be all right. Jason and I are both in our mid-twenties, and we were one of those fitness freaks who likes to workout. Jason did martial arts throughout his childhood, goes to the gym every day, and comes to yoga with me on Wednesdays. I go to yoga classes on weekdays and boxing classes on Saturdays. In addition to our physical capability, we were both very drunk that night, so naturally, we were fearless.
Laneway was a tiny street that ran parallel in between Potts Avenue and Kinney Street. It was walled on both sides from end to end with nothing but loading docks, fire exits, and back entrances of every factory and office building that rattled on during the day, but dark and abandoned during the night. We kept a fast pace and talked a little just to break the silence. We were right in the middle of Laneway when we started hearing a man grunting, and from a distance, we saw a guy fucking a brunette girl from behind. She was being pressed over to one of the fire exit doors that had a little roof over it, which cast a shade from the streetlights. The guy noticed us and smiled, and he seemed to not mind us watching him at all. In fact, he continued to drive himself inside the girl and looked as if he was putting on a show. Jason and I have had our share of public sex, so we figured we’d just play it cool and not bother the wild couple having fun. When we got closer, however, he stopped, and the girl just sat on the ground. He turned around to face us, as he took a moment to catch his breath. His hard cock was pointing towards us and I felt my body getting warmer. “Wanna join me?” he says, and I smiled. He was probably just a little bit younger than us, chiselled body, fair skinned, and wore tattered jeans, a jersey singlet and a cap. He was a total fuckboy, and Jason and I both wanted him. We walked over to him and he pushed us back. “No wait man. I meant just her. I’m not gay.” he says. Clearly, Jason and I misunderstood, but we just laughed it off and apologised. I looked over to the girl and I noticed that she was now leaning over to the wall. “Is she okay?” I asked.
“Oh yeah man. She’s definitely passed out.” the guy said.
“Definitely passed out? What do you mean?” Jason asked sternly as I went to check up on the girl. She was trembling, dripping in cold sweat and unconscious.
“I mean I got her pretty drunk before I brought her here.”
“She’s out cold Jake.” I reported.
“I’m sorry man, but were you raping this girl?” Jason raised an eyebrow.
“No dude. She was totally down with it.” he replied as he buttoned his pants.
“Did she tell you that?” Jason pressed. “Because I don’t think she’s even capable of talking seeing as she’s completely passed out.” The guy seemed confused.
“Look man. It’s cool okay. It’s just sex. She won’t remember it in the morning.” I could tell just by the look on Jason’s face that he was about to lose it with this guy.
“You were raping this girl.” Jason said in a low voice. The guy stuttered for a moment, and there was a short pause before he attempts to convince us one last time.
“It’s just sex, come on. It’s cool.” he said. At this point, I was sure that he was completely unapologetic about what he was doing, and worse, he thought it was acceptable. Jason clenched his fist, getting ready to beat the guy senseless, but I gestured him to calm down and I walked over to the guy. I smiled at him and he felt relieved. “See? this guy gets it!” he exclaimed as Jason looks at me confused.
“Yeah man! I totally get it!” I laughed and offered a cordial hug, but when he pulled away, I groped his bulging cock and he stepped back defensively.
“Dude what the fuck? I am not gay.” he reiterates. I looked at him with a grin on my face.
“What if we both fucked you hard right now.” I said unbuttoning my shirt, glancing over to Jason who finally gets what I was doing and pulled out his leather belt.
“I’m not okay with that. I’m not gay!” the guy pleads.
“Yeah but what if we fucked you anyways?” I replied. “It’s just sex right? It’s cool.”.
“Alright! I get it man. I’m sorry.”
“Oh yeah?” I replied as I walked over to him again and grabbed his shirt. “You wanna tell me how sorry you are bad boy?”
“Get off me!” he said as he pulled my hand away and started running. “Fucking faggots!” I hear him say from a distance.
Jason carried the girl in his arms, and we didn’t talk anymore on the way to the hospital where we dropped her off. We found out from her wallet that she was only 19, and that her name was Carly. I could tell it made Jason even angrier knowing that the girl was still quite young, but I didn’t pursue a conversation with him because my mind was too busy thinking about what I felt when I harassed the guy. I knew that I only did it to prove a point, that rape is rape regardless of gender or reason, so long as there was no consent from the other party. But what truly concerned me was the fact that I knew deep down, I would’ve truly done it if Jason wasn’t with me. I wanted the guy. I knew it when I felt a strong erection as I groped his penis, my thoughts racing through visions of his naked body pinned down under mine. I was ready to let go of what my mind knew was wrong, and let my body run wild to do what it wanted. I wondered if this feeling is exactly what brings people to rape. A mindless hunger, driven by desire, and devoid of any reason or morality. I realise now that that was exactly why rape was inhuman in the first place, because it was a mindless act. Our cognition is what distinguished us from other species, so if we didn’t think about our actions and simply went with what our bodies told us to do, we would be no better than animals, savage and feral.
I will never forget how my body took over my mind that night. I felt the images wash over me like gasoline, waiting to be lit, and that the fires that would scorch me are the ones that would burn me straight to hell. The thought of it ever happening again scares me, but it motivated me to further strengthen my willpower. To give careful thought into everything I do, and to take a step back and breathe when my mind is being overwhelmed. Because it’s one thing for the bones to break under immense physical pressure, but it’s another when the mind blacks out from the carnal desires of the flesh.